Some quotes I just had to modify:

* All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
CHANGED TO-
All true wisdom is found on girl's T-shirts. That's why boys are stupid...for fear of being caught staring.

* If you want to criticize someone, first walk a mile in their shoes.
CHANGED TO-
If you want to criticize someone, first walk a mile in their shoes; and if someone criticizes you, hit them with yours.

* When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
CHANGED TO-
When life gives you lemons make lemonade and sell it; When life doesn't give you lemons, pee in a jar and sell it off as lemonade.

* If you want people to think well of you, do not speak well of yourself.
CHANGED TO-
If you want people to think well of you, promote yourself.

* Keep your temper,nobody wants it.
CHANGED TO-
Keep your temper, so you can use it later on you Ex.

* Before you ask more questions, think about whether you really want to know the answers.
CHANGED TO-
Before you ask more questions, think about whether you are ready for cross questioning.

* He who laughs last might not want to be left out. -Jasmeet Singh.

* He who laughs last probably had to be explained in sign language. -Jasmeet Singh.

* You can move the world with an idea, but you have to think of it first.
CHANGED TO-
You can move the world with an idea, but you can't move a cup with your mind.

* He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself  is enlightened. -Lao Tsu.
CHANGED TO-
He who knows himself is enlightened. He who knows others can manipulate them.

* Laugh and the world stares at you; cry and you'll be in an asylum next. -Jasmeet Singh.

* A witty saying proves nothing. -Voltaire.
CHANGED TO-
A witty saying proves nothing, but it sure keeps people entertained.

* It is Common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. -Franklin D. Roosevelt.
CHANGED TO-
It is Common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But most people don't have a common sense.

* The questions remain the same, the answers are eternally variable.
CHANGED TO-
The questions are eternally variable, but the answer remains the same -"I don't know".

* Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
CHANGED TO-
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Lo and behold!!!! I have arrived.

* A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow. -Patton.
CHANGED TO-
A perfect plan today, will still be a good plan tomorrow.